


Crack Open Your Heart

by epersonae



Series: the only life you could save [13]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Post-Canon, difficult conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epersonae/pseuds/epersonae
Summary: Lucretia and Magnus on the nature of forgiveness and friendship.





	Crack Open Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very deliberate parallel to @hops' [The Way We Really Are](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13378788), and probably only makes sense in the context of this series?
> 
> Thanks of course to @hops for making all this possible, and for some very excellent specific feedback on the draft of this! It's twenty-collaborateen, y'all.

The house is dark, and for once, quiet. All the dogs have fallen asleep, and the town around them is settling down for the night. She lays in the crook of his arm, her own arm thrown across his chest. It’s familiar, comforting, and yet also still startling and new. He pulls her closer.

He’s proud of her, as he so often is, but in particular he’s impressed by her graceful navigation of the ceremony, the careful way she moved around Taako, the way they were so obviously aware of each other without actually interacting. The way they both had done whatever they did so that Angus got to see the love and pride so obvious from the folks in his life. Kid’s got a lot of love in his life. As a fellow only child, he knows that feeling of wonder and surprise, discovering a whole new family. It’s not what he would’ve planned or expected, but that’s nothing new.

She shifts slightly, like maybe her other arm is falling asleep, and he turns a bit so they’re face to face. He can tell something’s bothering her, but also that she’s pretending it’s not. Maybe if he can see her eyes he’ll figure out what to say. Sometimes, that’s the hardest part: her eyes never used to be so guarded. Sometimes, before, she was hard to read, sure, but not closed off. Although if he thinks about it too much, he can see the exact moment it happened. The moment she broke away from them.

He strokes her cheek with the back of his hand and she startles just a little.

“Hey Luce, you did good.” Her smile is sad, distant. He kisses her forehead. “I’m serious, babe. S’not easy.” She hums, doesn’t say anything. “Angus looked real happy today. I think he appreciated what you guys did.” Another little sigh. “You haven’t talked about….”

“No,” she says, and her face goes tight and tired for an instant before she curls up against him, as if hiding. He strokes her back, tangles his hands in her curly hair, draws her close. She lets out a long breath.

“I’m just tired,” she mumbles into his side. “I’m glad — Angus deserves —”

“Luce?”

“Why did you forgive me?” She blurts it out without looking at him. He almost wants to take her by the shoulders and just shake her. Forgiving her was like — it was like water flowing to the ocean. The only true answer. The way it was supposed to be. He can’t imagine any other way.

“You needed it.”

When she exhales, it’s sharp with frustration, and she pushes out of his arms to prop herself up on one elbow. Even with her mouth drawn into a frown, her eyes on the verge of angry tears, she’s beautiful, even if she wouldn’t hear that from him at all now.

“Why does that matter?” she says.

He closes his eyes, takes a long breath in and out again. It's funny, on some level, how prickly they both are, her and Taako. Julia was too, to be honest, though she was hot-headed where Lucretia is cool, rough where Taako is spiky. He can't help thinking that Jules would have known the right thing to say. 

“Lucretia, I —”

“What I did was inexcusable,” she says, her tone matter-of-fact. “I broke us apart. I took away everyone's choice. I took —” She looks up and away. “Angus could have had a family this whole time. So.” She looks back at him, and it's with the Director’s calculating eyes. “Why, Magnus?”

He's trying not to be exasperated. He still thinks she needs to talk. 

“Would you rather I hadn't?” he says in as mild a tone as he can manage. She breathes out loudly through her nose. “That's what I thought.” He props himself up on one elbow, matching her posture. “Why do you think?”

Her eyes fall closed. Her brow furrows. She shakes her head. 

“Everything I think feels like a trap,” she says, finally. “I can't entirely understand it, and I'm not sure if I believe it. I just have to….”

He reaches out and rests a hand on her hip. Her gaze is enigmatic, even as he rubs little circles with his thumb.

“You can trust this,” he says. “We know you were trying to do good. That under it all, after everything, you're a good person.”

She scoffs. He starts to reassure her, but she smiles. 

“No, no, it's just…. There was something I said to Taako, and now you….”

“Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later,” she says, which means probably not. “But thank you. One needs one's own advice once in a while.”

“Cool. Cool. Okay then. I'm glad I could help?” She laughs again, a bit more openly. “Alright then, c’mere.” He flops backwards, flinging his arms wide. She curls into his side again; he can feel her smile against his chest. 

He wants to crack open her heart and know all her secrets. He wants her to tell him every word Taako said, everything she'd said in return. He wants to understand, more than anything. As his hand smooths down her side, he thinks to ask again, somehow resists the impulse. 

She hooks a leg over his; her hand caresses his belly, runs up through his chest hair. The breath catches in his throat. Somewhere in the house, something settles and creaks in the dark. 

He almost laughs, thinking how he's seen Taako like this with Kravitz, he's watched them as Kravitz tries to get at some deeper truth while Taako evades. Too alike, it's really too much.

He takes a deep breath. Kravitz is good for Taako, he can see it; he feels  _ lucky  _ to be let into that circle. He hopes to be half as good for Lucretia. 

What would Kravitz do, if this were them? Kravitz would be patient. Magnus doesn't feel patient. He wonders how much Kravitz knows about that conversation, if it's more or less than he knows now. 

“I can hear you thinking,” she says. Past the foot of the bed, a dog stretches, whines, and falls back to sleep. 

“Sorry, I, it's just —” He presses his fingertips gently into the base of her spine, and she hums appreciatively. 

“No, I get it,” she says. “You've been put in the middle, same as Angus. And you've been very patient with us.” She sighs. They’re quiet for a moment.

He can’t help himself: “You know you can —”

“Taako said he understood. About…about all of it, I think.”

He feels a jolt of relief, a spark of hope. “Wow, Luce, that's —”

She lays her hand flat on his chest. 

“Oh, Magnus. He's still hurting so much. He was my best friend, and  _ I did that _ .”

“You didn't mean to —”

He can feel her rueful smile. 

“No, I didn't  _ mean to,  _ but that doesn't make it not true.”

“If he understands, though, then he'll — did he?”

“Forgive?” She shakes her head. “I told him he didn't have to. We're not all you and Merle, dear. You said I needed to be forgiven. He needs…. Something else. If I've ever been his friend, I have to, I have to let….”

He picked up her hand and kissed the palm.

“It's a start, though, right?”

Outside, an owl hoots mournfully. 

“I suppose it is.”


End file.
